A Mother's Loss

Upon graduation day from high school the mind thinks of parties to attend, possible future plans of college or armed forces and so forth. My choice was college and through those dreams were an envisioned college graduation, a successful career, and marriage to form a family to do what families do. Parents plan to purchase a house with a back yard for their kid's gym set, possible pool and a guest room in the house for visitors. Parents plan to place their kids in the best schools starting with Preschool kindergarten through college with financial planning for their high school graduates, in hopes of their children blessing them with grandchildren to help nurture and to live happily ever after

I, Faye Russell, birthed two children: Thalassia (1979), and Devin (1985), and it was a blessing to watch and nurture the growth of a daughter and son through the years. I was married in the summer of 1981 to Leroy Hamilton in Miami, Florida. My husband and I purchased our 1st home when I was 21 years old and he was 25. For us life was moving and popping in our careers, family and socially. At that time we were missing the spiritual aspect of life, and it should have been the most important. For through spirituality a family and marriage has the best opportunity to remain cohesive, for without that spiritual element to balance the family, attacks come from all directions to seek, kill and destroy. Leroy and I divorced the summer of 1986 after some wonderful years of family and marriage. For those whom have gone through Divorce know that the process isn't easy for anyone involved.

In the spring of 2001, Thalassia graduated from college and was married in September 2004. Through that union our 1st grandchild was born at the end of 2005, and our 2nd grandchild is to be born the summer of 2009. These dates are remembered, cherished and are historical in our family tree in a positive way. Unfortunately, there are obstacles in life that set up emotional roadblocks and barriers that are severe and the recovery process appears to be an unrealistic timeline.

On December 26, 2004, Leroy, Thalassia and I lost Devin James Hamilton in a car accident as a passenger. I am referring to the same Devin that my niece Erin wrote about in her post to this blog. Devin was a son, brother, grandchild, cousin and in death became an uncle to his sister's and brother's children. On Christmas day Devin and I were together visiting my parent's and sister's house. My uncle, aunt and cousin were in Atlanta from Miami, Florida visiting at that time. We had a wonderful time on Christmas day as my mom cooked Collard Greens and other wonderful dishes, but those greens were Devin's favorite vegetable and it was cooked specifically for him. He ate so much that he was uncomfortable.

Devin grew to be 6'-4" tall at the age of 19. My father was 6'-5", and Devin's father (Leroy) was 6'-3" in height. That afternoon I took Devin back to his father's house, because he had planned to go out that night a family friend which had become a good friend to him. Despite being sick with a sinus cold, he still wanted to go out with his friend. Thalassia spoke to him Christmas day on the phone and they planned to see each other on another day to exchange gifts.

The family friend while on his way to bring Devin home from the club was driving erratic, lost control of his Integra and wrapped that car around a telephone pole in Decatur, Georgia on Glenwood Drive at Holly Hock Road. Devin lost his life instantly, and the family friend ended up in the hospital for a few weeks but survived. Devin's coroner report was interesting and depressing. My mom had pleasure in knowing that his stomach was full of her famous Collard Greens, but the report let us know that the death may have been avoided.

It is speculated that the family friend had bumped into a lady's car. He supposedly got out the car and assessed the damage, and for whatever reason determined that there was no damage of concern. He supposedly brushed off the lady, got in his car and took off but the lady supposedly trailed to get the license plate number. The family friend supposedly speed off from the lady and she continued to pursue up Glenwood Road, The family friend lost control of the car and the lady supposedly witnessed an unnecessary tragic accident. I say supposedly, because there was never an arrest so we don't know the entire truth.

Our Pastor, Bishop Eddie L Long, had preached that God sets up particular obstacles such as Stop Signs, Red Lights and little fender bender accidents to keep you from something down the road that you can not recover from. We learned that it is not just the individual recovery in question, but it is the recovery of so many other people. For during Devin's funeral we witnessed just how much Devin's personality, charisma and his life's journey had affected so many others. We discovered that Devin was an encourager of people, loved life, and was charming and an all-around good guy to not only family, but friends and neighbors. Devin lived to be 19 years old, and is still missed today by countless others. My friends know him by his slender yet tall frame, his chocolate skin tone, his white beautiful teeth, his quiet persona, his neatness and meticulously stature.

It is my experience that a mother never fully recovers from the loss of their child. There is a part of you that is lost with that child. More importantly you learn that you are not along in your loss as there are others affected, as you can see from the blog posted by his cousin, Erin. The emotional pain remains, but the spirit lives on in a positive way.

Keep dreaming, be active in your pursuits, be vigilant and continue to elevate your goals and live life with passion for life is only a hyphen. Devin lived from 12/14/1985 - 12/26/2004, and that hyphen were what he represented through his accomplishments and who he impacted during his 19 years. We as human beings are merely Hyphens on earth - Live Life positively.